Lancaster Arms Pathetic Mea Culpa (a day late and a dollar short)

So, you recall how Lancaster kept proclaiming that nothing was wrong with its rifles? Well, as of April 10th, Lancaster has posted a "mea culpa" on its website, verifying that yes, in fact, some of its rifles have problems. But even with that admission, Lancaster is still lying. They claim they've retrieved almost all of the problem rifles, when Lancaster's own vendors state that they've sold HUNDREDS with only a few returns. Somebody isn't telling the truth here (cough Chet cough)...

But luckily, I speak Lancastereese, so I have translated their admission right here:

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"Notice: We Lied Before. Yes, Our AK-74 Rifles DO Suck:

Look, we know that we told several of you that there were no problems with our rifles. And we know that we told a few of you that all the bad things being said about us on the Internet were just "Internet Urban Legends".

But apparently, a few people have called our bluff, as all of the popular AK forums (and gun forums in general) are buzzing about how much Lancaster Arms sucks. And besides, our sales are falling off a cliff! We had better engage in some damage control QUICK so that we can keep our doors open. After all, if I - Chet Durda - can't spend my days lying my ass off to everyone who calls - what in the hell am I going to do with all my time. Kick puppies? (Only in my dreams.)

Yes, we ignored this problem for as long as we could, and pretended as if it didn't exist. But truth be told, we've had so many charge-backs on these (and other) rifles, that we lost our credit card merchant account, and had people complain to the Arizona Attorney General's office. Yeah, we tried to sweep this problem under the rug, and we told several of our customers on the phone that we had no idea what might be causing these problems. But of course, that was just one more lie from us. We knew EXACTLY what was causing these problems. We were just hoping that all you jackasses (oh, excuse me..."customers") wouldn't put two and two together, and figure out that we were full of shit. Apparently we were wrong.

But rest assured, we will fix your broke-ass rifle! Even if it's not convenient for us! Sure, we might just ship another broken-ass rifle right back to you, just as we've done to a few other jackasses (whoops, I mean "customers".) We're classy like that! And when you call, we also might give you some attitude on the phone because, well...we're really stressed out these days that people have FINALLY figured out that all of us here at Lancaster are COMPLETELY FULL OF SHIT!

So if you have a problem, call us. Sure, unless you're buying something, you won't actually be able to talk to me, Chet Durda. I tell my office staff to say "He's in a meeting" anytime someone calls looking for me. And in this regard, I've even been caught red-handed lying before. I don't want to talk to you unless you've got money for me! But if by some stroke of luck you get to talk to me personally, ask me how all those military sales are going! Better yet, ask me if I've ever sold a single AK rifle to the US military! But beware...I might, uh, well, "be less than entirely truthful" when it comes to such things.

In conclusion, yes...we at Lancaster are in a pickle right now. Word has spread (and it's still spreading) that we are bad news. In fact, if you Google "Chet Durda", you will find out that I'm not exactly the most trustworthy guy in the world. But look...I really care about all you jackasses (damn...I mean, "customers"), so please hold your nose, pretend as if you don't care about little things like "honesty, "integrity" and "ethics", and give me your money! I'll make you a REAL nice rifle, and I promise...it'll ship tomorrow! I'm Chet Durda...would I lie to you?!?

My very bestest, bestest most goodest and bestest regards,
Chet Durda

P.S. If you're not interested in one of my crap rifles, can I interest you in a nice car I have for sale? It's a really nice 1985 Yugo, and this baby is CHERRY! I'll even throw in free floor mats! What'll it take to get this in your garage? Oh, those aren't rust holes, they're "air vents". And you've heard of "anti-lock brakes"? Well this gem has "anti-lock doors". It's the latest thing! They aren't building these collector models anymore! Its only got twenty-seven and a few zero miles. And because I like you, I'll let it go for $9,999. I'm Chet Durda...would I lie to you?"

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But seriously, this Lancaster admission won't do it. Given that this flaw makes these rifles potentially dangerous, I suspect Lancaster and its distributors have a legal obligation to recall all of them. Certainly, I intend to file a complaint with the BATF myself on Monday morning.

Oh, and others are not impressed by this Lancaster notice either. Here is a post about this on AR15.com, wherein members display their outrage that Lancaster pretended as if there was no problem until they couldn't deny it any longer.

Bring on the lawyers...